Going Back to Elementary

After three visits with my fifth grade girl and one visit with my first grade boy, two things are very clear. Elementary school hasn’t changed very much since I left it, but I apparently had no idea what the boys were doing while I was there!

When I talk with my female student, her stories and concerns are all too familiar. I’m debating whether I should try to give her suggestions or just empathize with her. I really enjoy our conversations, even when I’m not sure what to say.

On the playground with my male student though, I saw a whole new battlefield. The tactics and accusations were unfamiliar. They called each other “cheaters” and became extremely upset when they felt something was unfair — even though the game they were playing actually had no rules! Some boys bounced around, coming in and out of the game, without getting involved in any of the frustration. But others would storm off for a moment and then return with a vengence, turning a simple game of kicking balls back and forth into an opportunity to physically hurt each other.

After observing for longer than I could bear, I called my student over to see what he thought of the game. I wasn’t allowed to actually play because that would have been unfair. Little did they know that having me on their team would have been a huge detriment, even though they weren’t actually keeping score. My student seemed bothered when the game didn’t go his way, but a few minutes later he was engaged again. This was a particularly long recess though and after 20 minutes, the frustrations seemed to get the better of some of the boys and I feared that I was on the verge of witnessing a real first grade fight.

After nearly 90 minutes at the school, I had to leave before recess ended so I don’t know if anything was resolved between the boys. I am now apprehensive about our next visit. What should I do if this happens again? Is this just “boys being boys”? How can you explain to a first grade boy that it’s really just a game — and a game that literally has no winners or losers? Where are the boundaries between guiding a student as a mentor and disciplining a student as an adult? Even though I’ve given advice to many mentors over the years about being a friend before being an authority, I now realize how difficult that can be to practice.

So I’m requesting some insight from the male community. How can I help my student learn to be a team player and encourage him to play nicely with the other boys? Any suggestions would be very much appreciated before next Tuesday!